I want my paper-pork, paper-pork, paper-pork, I want my paper-pork paper-pork paper-pork...

Sing it with me: Chinese!...paper pork bao, Chinese paper pork bao! It's not real news really. We've always known. Steve Martin not only said it, he went on record, literally, with his accusations.

His theory, on Comedy is Not Pretty, went something like this: everything McDonald's makes all comes from one mother substance. "Shlawp! Hamburger...shlawp! fries...shlawp! paper box....shlawp! your change, thank you." We've all had fast food that tastes like the package it came in, but Steve went on record, literally, in 1979, and called it out.

And now, here's proof. Like many intuitive prophets, Steve got the gist right; only the specifics are off. To trivia fans of real or hoax food scares, you've enjoyed the potato shake, killer Tylenol, the 'Roo burger, biohazard cola, and even shit spinach. Now, it's all about the paper-pork bao.

A word to the wise, though: don't believe for a minute these problems are implicitly Chinese, as the article implies. This is all some clever scapegoating. We can relate to the makeshift shop selling makeshift food on the run in some overcrowded neighborhood, sure. What might be harder to imagine is a bunch of executives making cost decisions whose consequences include degrading our own food supply nationwide. Why do you think we're seeing so many "pledges of quality" commercials today, "real folks" making products for your family and theirs? Because you can relate to them. As if these people made the key decisions that affect how the ingredients are procured. As if brand and quality were the same thing. Please.


Jerry said...

I wonder how many of those cardboard laced pork buns were exported. How many busy Chinese child slaves giving their little lives to the profit motive of the emerging Chinese economy. I doubt that Cardboard, even that acquired in violation of the "5 second rule" is as carcinogenic or great a contributor to the Al Gore syndrome as is the high school chemistry "shlawp" you'll find in your Safeway when you purchase any pseudo food with more than 5 ingredients on the lable.

Or is this just another "yellow menace" meant to frighten us into the arms of Kraft and the FDA? But, I digest, 'er digress.


GETkristiLOVE said...

Baozi shu bu hao!