My Jeopardy! Dream Board

With credit to the VTT for the idea, here are my all-time categories, taking on all comers!

Round One

Pope or e.e.?
Tom Lehrer Songbook
Hold 'em Dictionary
80's Standup Comedians
Airport Food
Advertising Logic 101

Round Two

Famous Trebek Impersonations
Olympic 800m Runners
70's Playground Games
Jewish Sports Legends
San Francisco Burrito Stands

Final Jeopardy



Skylers Dad said...

Tom Lehrer Songbook?!?

What is Poisoning pigeons in the park?

Michael said...

"Do a cross on your ab-do-men,
When in Rome do like a Roman."

GETkristiLOVE said...

Airport Food - that's really funny. I know you can outdo me on that one and Nerdspeak, but I think San Francisco is too general a topic for you to lay claim over all of it. How about, "Ex, washed-up SF Giant Players in Jail."

My word verification is: fuqzebvy!

Michael said...

S'Dad: You owe me a question, dude! What are you waiting for, concentration music?

gkl See my amended topic. I was going to go with 'Legendary Boulder Cops' but couldn't come up with five answers to use.

Skylers Dad said...

"Little Johnny Jones he was a US pilot, and no shrinking violet was he"

Balls in your court my man...

Michael said...

"He was mighty proud when World War III was declared,
He wasn't scared, no siree!"

To question the first: What is 'The Vatican Rag'?

And the second, oy: What is 'So long, Mom'?"

And for you: "Let our love be a flame, not an ember. Say it's me that you want to dismember."

Skylers Dad said...

Sing it with me:

What is Dance to the Masochism tango!

You arethe man Michael!

vikkitikkitavi said...

I know an alarming amount of Leher songs as well, thanks to a dorky college roommate. But I'll glad concede that category to either of you two.

But as someone who watched every single episode of "Evening at the Improv" at least 4 times, I bet I could give you a good run for your money on the 80s comedians.

Michael said...

VTT: For $200. "Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with two-fifty."

Skylers Dad said...

Ohhh, Michael, I know, I know!!! Pick me, Pick me!!!

Michael said...

SkyDad: Let's give VTT's body a chance to cash the check her mouth just wrote. Here's some others, though, first-to-the-buzzer style:

For $100: "My name is A. Whitney Brown. Someday I hope to be ______."

For $200: "The doctor comes at me with this long metal rod. I say, 'What's that for?' He says, 'We're going to look for blood in your stool.' I say, 'Look, I have no medical training, but if you put that thing up my ass, I'll make my diagnosis right now.'"

For $300: "I'm a stand up comic, well that's my line, and I'd like to know Zodiac, z-z-z-Zodiac, z-z-z-Zodiac sign."

For $400: "After all the freeway shootings, the McDonalds' in LA came out with Happy to Be Alive Meals."

For $500: "Cars aren't just getting faster, they're achieving new levels of awareness. Why just the other day my car said to me: 'The door is a jar.'...And it took me a while to get it, but whoa."

GETkristiLOVE said...

Now that one, I believe. Which one has those low-carb onion rings to go with the burritos?

vikkitikkitavi said...

Ouch, hard

The Diceman
1. The Whitney Brown
2. Sounds like Rodney, which doesn't fit category...
3. I can't think of his name, but he looks like a Beastie Boy, and he also did that joke that included every ethnic joke punchline one after another, like "Fine, the Chinese are excellent drivers, fine." He also did that whole bit about people in LA flaking all the time: "Dude, I flaked!"
4. Al Clethen
5. Steven Wright

Here's one for you from one of my favorites:

"I grew up in Iowa. I left there when I was 18 when I found out I was, in fact, free to go."

Michael said...

gkl: They all have low-carb 'rings, kid, every hombre Joaquin of them.

VTT: Not bad! The ass one is Robert Shimmel, who spent a lot of time in his set on ass stuff. Gets old after a bit. You got Barry Sobel in all but name. $500 sure sounds like Steven Wright but it was Jim Samuels, whose entire act was misinterpreting common phrases. Funny guy.
But it's knowing Al Clethen that makes me want to see you naked.

Jake Johanssen! I can't believe I didn't in fact pose that one to you.

vikkitikkitavi said...

- I always despised Schimmel. Didn't he have a really tiresome 20 minute set all about Continental Airlines?

- I figured Steven Wright was too obvious, but I honestly do not remember Jim Samuels, so you got me there.

- I think Clethan's whole career hung on the hook of that McDonald's joke, am I right?

How about this one: "Every New Year's Eve, my family used to gather together to watch our hopes drop."

Michael said...

VeetEetEet: I just now remembered an old Samuel's bit of how much you could tell about people by the way they cheered at sporting events: "Oh, fiddle and diddle, they're won't even drive into the paint. Color me distressed!" In '83 that stuff killed.

I only vaguely recall Shim's airline bit. More un-memorable than it is forgettable, I figure.

My favorite Clethen bits were grandpa jokes. "Grandpa used to say, 'When I was a kid, all we'd get for Christmas was an orange...but we was happy.' So he's easy to shop for."

The first Wright one-liner that floored me: "The other day I put some instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time."

Michael said...

I can hear Rodney Dangerfield in that New Year's Eve one. Dang, that sounds familiar....don't think I can dredge it up though.

Skylers Dad said...

I really liked the late Richard Jeni. One of my favorite bits of his is why guys all like blowjobs. It's because it involves two favorite things for a guy, sex and just laying around.

Or, on why Chicago exists. A bunch of New Yorkers said one day, you know, I enjoy the poverty and crime but it's just not cold enough...

vikkitikkitavi said...

Michael: You're going to kick yourself when I tell you it's from Richard Lewis. Ah, seems so obvious now, doesn't it?

The first Wright one-liner I remember killing me was "It's a small world...but I wouldn't want to paint it."

SkyDad: I absolutely adored Richard Jeni. His cable special "Boy from NYC" is a classic. I still like to sing his version of "the most depressing song ever written," the song "that will clear out any party," The Wreck of the Edmund Fitgerald:

"Well back on the decks,
they all drowned like rats,
as they lay there their lungs filled with wa-terrrr.

And back on the shore,
their wives had no insurance,
And their children turns to drugs and prostitu-tionnnn."